Cooper the Dog was found guilty last week on several counts of pee-ing on the floor and three counts of pooping-on the floor After Former Conviction. He has now been sentenced to evenings in jail for the remainder of his natural life. In the Court's written opinion, Judge Dad said, "Mr. the Dog has shown that he can no longer be trusted by society to refrain from doing his duty on the carpet while society rests in it's bed, therefore he must spend every night in a jail cell, where he cannot roam free to harm deep carpet fibers."
The prosecutor, Mommy made this statement: "Cooper has shown the worst kind of recidivism in the area of wetting his britches. The aggravating circumstance is that he doesn't wear britches."
Chloe the Cat, a defense advocate said, "Jailing Cooper the Dog does not reform him, nor does it make the carpet of society any safer. The only thing it accomplishes is that he must now be housed in an area of the house that I feel like I should own. But now Coopers rights under the forth and fifth amendments have been taken by the Judge and my land has been taken away by imminent domain." Cooper's attorney said Cooper will file an appeal "worthwith," which is legal mumbo-jumbo for, "as soon as Cooper pays his attorney $300."
