Ridin' Dity Update

Thank you for Yancey for this. I love that he does Star Wars Kid!!! Hahaha

What Are Your Children Listening To?

Charissa was telling me that in her music class with forth graders last week, she had the classes come up with their own Billboard charts. One of the classes had the song "Ridin'" as in, "ridin' dirty." She said that this made her cry and that when she told the kids why she was crying, she made them cry to.

Charissa told them that this was a song about people driving around with drugs and when they get stopped by the police, they kill the cops then go to the cops house. This upsets Charissa for obvious reasons.

In this quaint little ditty, the narrator brags for three stanzas about how loud his system is, the gun he has next to him and how he is smoking a blunt, rolling another one while is he driving 100 MPH all the while he has warrants "in every city but Houston." Then, in the final stanza, when he is getting pulled over, he accuses the officers of racial profiling. We wouldn't call that racial profiling. We call that a "good stop."

Here are the lyrics for your own perusal:

[Chorus]
They see me rollin
They hatin
Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
My music so loud
I'm swangin
They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty

[Verse 1 - Chamillionaire]
Police think they can see me lean
I'm tint so it ain't easy to be seen
When you see me ride by they can see the glean
And my shine on the deck and the TV screen
Ride with a new chick, she like hold up
Next to the playstation controller is a full clip and my pistola
Turn a jacker into a coma
Girl you ain't know, I'm crazy like Krayzie Bone
Just tryin to bone ain't tryin to have no babies
Rock clean itself so I pull in ladies
Laws of patrolling you know they hate me
Music turned all the way up until the maximum
I can speak for some niggas tryin to jack for some
But we packin somethin that we have and um will have a nigga locked up in the maximum
Security cell, I'm grippin oak
Music loud and tippin slow
Twist and twistin like hit this dough
Pull up from behind and is in his throat
Windows down gotta stop pollution
CDs change niggas like who is that producing?
This the Play-N-Skillz when we out and cruisin
Got warrants in every city except Houston but I'm still ain't losin

[Chorus]

[Verse 2 - Krayzie Bone]
I been drinkin and smokin holdin shit cause a brother can't focus
I gotta get to home 'fore the po po's scope this big ol Excursion swerving all up in the curve man
Nigga been sippin on that Hennessey and the gin again is in again we in the wind
Doin a hundred while I puff on the blunt
And rollin another one up, we livin like we ain't givin a fuck
I got a revolver in my right hand, 40 oz on my lap freezing my balls
Roll a nigga tree, green leaves and all
Comin pretty deep, me and my do-jo
I gotta get back to backstreets
Wanted by the six pound and I got heat glock glock shots to the block we creep creep
Pop Pop hope cops don't see me, on a low key
With no regards for the law we dodge em like fuck em all
But I won't get caught up and brought up on charges for none of y'all
Keep a gun in car, and a blunt to spark, but well if you want, nigga you poppin dark
Ready or not we bust shots off in the air Krayzie Bone and Chamillionaire

[Chorus]

[Verse 3 - Chamillionaire]
Do what you thinkin so, I tried to let you go
Turn up a blink of light and I swang it slower
A nigga upset for sure cause they think they know that they catchin me with plenty of the drink and dro
So they get behind me tryin to check my tags, look at my rearview and they smilin
Thinkin they'll catch me on the wrong well keep tryin
Cause they denyin is racial profiling
Houston, TX you can check my tags
Pull me over try to check my slab
Glove compartment gotta get my cash
Cause the crooked cops try to come up fast
And been a baller that I am I talk to them, giving a damn bout not feeling my attitude
When they realize I ain't even ridin dirty bet you'll be leavin with an even madder mood
I'mma laugh at you then I'mma have to cruise I'm in number two on some more DJ Screw
You can't arrest me plus you can't sue
This a message to the laws tellin them WE HATE YOU
I can't be touched or tell 'em that they shoulda known
Tippin' down, sittin' crooked on my chrome
Bookin' my phone, tryin' to find a chick I wanna bone
Like they couldn't stop me I'mma 'bout to pull up at your home and it's on

[Chorus 2x]

I Hate to be the Guy That Falls for Comnmercials but...

I found a Dunkin' Donuts commercial that was constantly on in Boston and I have had stuck on my head all summer. Because there are a grand total of four Dunkin's in the greater metro area, the commercials don't play here. So I present to you, my favorite commercial with music by They Might Be Giants.

"Sayings:" A Short Play

I wrote this as an excersise in my playwriting class. I think it's interesting so I'm putting it on here. It is yet another Subway play. I'm starting to think I could do a collection of these things and make a one act full of Subway shorts. This one is called, "Sayings."

The scene is a subway station. A young man waits near the yellow line for his train. He is clean cut, wearing a simple shirt, colorless tie and khaki slacks. An old man sits on the bench behind the young man. He appears to be homeless. He wears filthy Dickies, A long sleeve shirt. He has bushy, greasy hair and a beard. He also has a stack of papers next to him.

OLD MAN
Do you like sayings?

YOUNG MAN
Sayings?

OLD MAN
Do you like sayings?

YOUNG MAN
What do you mean?

OLD MAN picks up the stack of pages on which are written famous quotations. He approaches YOUNG MAN with them.

OLD MAN
Like, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

YOUNG MAN
Oh. I guess.

OLD MAN
(hands a page to YOUNG MAN but still holds onto it himself as well.)Here's one of my favorites. (pointing to it)I like your Christ but I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ. Do you know who said that?

YOUNG MAN
Ghandi.

OLD MAN
That's right. You're very intelligent.

YOUNG MAN
(pointing to page)It's written.

OLD MAN
Yes. It is written.

OLD MAN lets go of the sheet. A subway car is heard approaching.

OLD MAN
(continuing)Is that you?

YOUNG MAN
I don't know.

YOUNG MAN folds the page and puts it in his breast pocket, close to his heart. The subway car is heard stopping. It is on the other side of the back wall.

YOUNG MAN
(looking back)No. It's the outbound.

OLD MAN
Well, I'm glad. I wasn't ready for you to go.

YOUNG MAN
Yeah but I'm in a hurry.

OLD MAN
Rushing saps the joy from life.

YOUNG MAN
Do you want money?

OLD MAN
Money is the root of all evil.

YOUNG MAN
Nevertheless, if it's money you want, I'm sorry but I have none.

OLD MAN
I just want you to keep my saying close to your heart.

YOUNG MAN
Sayings are just words. They put no bread on the table.

OLD MAN
That's true. Oh words, what crimes are committed in your name.

YOUNG MAN
(pulls out wallet)How much do you need?

OLD MAN
I need nothing. The LORD will provide. I just want you to come visit occasionally.

A train is heard approaching. YOUNG MAN looks down the tunnel.

YOUNG MAN
Okay. This one's me.

OLD MAN
Okay. I mean it though. Come visit me, son.

YOUNG MAN
Maybe I will...dad.

Lights out.

Thar' She Blows, with a Barb Like the Washington Monument

Charissa asked me if I had heard in the news that dead stingray are showing up all over Australia. Actually, the AP says that it's ten dead stingray but, hey, who's counting. It seems that, like Captain Ahab searching for Moby Dick, people have started hunting wildlife for revenge. This of course on the heels of Steve Irwin's death by stingray.

Two of the animals had their barbs cut off. This is a very interesting statement on human nature. Steve Irwin spent his entire life preaching conservation to the people, trying to teach people that saving wildlife is an important mission and yet, people try to atone for his death by killing the very animals he tried to save. Michael Hornby, Exec. Director of Irwin's conservation group said:

It may be some sort of retribution, or it may be fear from certain individuals, or it just may be yet another callous act toward wildlife...We are disgusted and disappointed that people would take this sort of action to hurt wildlife.

This story makes a couple points about humanity:

1) People are fundamentally illogical. The people doing these things don't seem to get the irony in their acts.

2) Human endeavor is destined for failure. The very sad truth is that Irwin's life mission to save animals was symbolically (and actually)undone when his death led to the destruction of animals.

There is something tragic yet artistic about all of this.

Upper Crust Music Criticism

I had a music video on my myspace page a while back by the City Boyz, a local rap group. Apparently lots of people think they're really good. Here's the statement of onme happy customer:

this CD iz tha shyt, if u aint got it yet den go get it, cuz u gay if u dont.

For the rest of the enlightening comments go to the City Boyz CD Baby page.

Would You Like CST to Seduce You?

Carpenter Square Theatre opened their 23rd season tonight with the Oklahoma Premier of "The Graduate," a stage adaptation of Charles Webb's novel and the 1967 screenplay that made Dustin Hoffman a household name. I was required to attend for my playwriting class, which is giving me plenty of excuses to see theatre. This was actually the first time I've been to a theatre since I left the professional theatre more than three years ago.

The overall production by Carpenter Square was satisfying. The play fits well in the round as it requires, nay demands, sparse scenery. The lack of elaborate scenic elements goes well with the short scenes that make quantum jumps in time and distance. (There are in fact ten different locations in the play, a huge number for live theatre.) The drawback to the many locations in the play was that the stage could only hold, at most, two locations at a time, one on one side of the stage and one on the other. That meant that the audience spent large chunks of time in the dark, a loathsome position for any grumpy theatre person.

The acting was what you would expect from a provincial non-prophet theatre. It was sometimes good and sometimes bad. David Mays, who played Benjamin (the main character) did a very fine job, especially considering the big shoes he had to fill taking on a role made famous by Dustin Hoffman. Vikki Simer made an acceptable, though not exceptionally attractive, Mrs. Robinson She played the drunk scenes very well, and many of the touching moment were well played as well but she didn't always make a great seductress and her voice could grate when she wasn't watching. Both Braddock parents (Terry Veal and Doobie Potter)left much too be desired. They approached the roles like character bits which worked okay for Mrs. Braddock but for Mr Braddock (Veal) the choice was a disaster. Rob Freedman fared only slightly better as Mr. Robinson, though his comic timing was impeccable and he did shine in moments, such as the confrontation scene after he learns of Benjamin's affair with his wife. He also did very well with the axe wielding scene in which he chops down the door of a church. Victoria Stahl did a wonderful job with the too short role of Elaine. Some of her emotion shifts seemed to sudden but that was as much a writing mistake as an acting one. Certainly this play required an extreme amount of courage from the actors as it was ripe with underwear and sex scenes, all in an intimate space where the audience is close enough to see body hair and thigh dimples peeking out.

Again, overall the production was pleasing.It could have used the tightening up of cleaner directing and desperately needed some dead space taken out. It also could have been organized better, with it's hour and a half first act and second half of under an hour. It was, however, good enough to ease my unexplainable discomfort of being in a theatre. As Charissa and I discussed, going into the theatre felt a little like running into an ex-girlfriend unexpectedly a few months after a nasty breakup. But it's good to be watching again. And I definitely won't miss "The Picnic" when Carpenter Square does it in the Spring.

NOT HARDING APPROPRIATE:

My formal undergraduate training from a private Christian university has taught be to wring my hands over whether or not the audience is offended. That said, I was very worried when in the fist act, Benjamin and Mrs. Robinson had elicit (but covered) sex right at my feet. My fears were eliviated when the extrememly old woman sitting next to be said, "Oh my. She's on top," and laughed herself silly. The actors rolled over and she said, "she had gorgeous hair." Heart, rest thyself and pound no more with worry about my fellow audience members.