Today is Christmas. The day when dozens of people celebrate the birth of Christ and Millions celebrate Turkey Dinners and the diurnal urge to kill one's family. Every year, I get totally sick of eating dishes invented by pilgrims, so this year I decided to eat something invented in Los Angelos in the 1840's. Chinese food!
I love that every Christmas, it's the one place open. the chinese joint doesn't have to worry about scheduling days off for all the little Christian kids out of town with mom and dad. They don't have to worry that Jesus might return on his 2011th birthday.
So, in honor of Christmas and in honor of the Chinese, I will write a very short play. I know that by the time both of you (that is, both my readers) reae this, Christmas will likely be over so I apologize for making you see one more holiday play...even if only in your minds eye. I shall title it "Jesus Died for Buddhists"
The Scene: A Chinese restaraunt late Christmas night. The restaraunt is moderately busy because it's the only place open. A man and his wife wait near the counter.
Chinese lady: Oh-kaey. Youh Ohda es Wehdy. (I apologize for the stereotyped way I present the accent. Imagine the very suble pronounciation of the "R," pronounced strongly enough that it deserves mention as a phoneme but not so strongly that it earns the Alpha character, or the written letter itself).
(The man and woman approach. The woman takes the bag of takeout from the Chinese lady)
Wife: Oh, thank you.
Chinese Lady: Yoe Wehcome.
Wife: And Merry Christmas (The Chinese Woman walks back into the kitchen.)
Husband: You can't say Merry Christmas to her!
Wife: Why not?
Husband: She's Bhuddist.
Wife: So?
Husband: So, Buddhists don't celebrate Christmas!
Wife: Why shouldn't they?
Husband: Because they are not Christians.
(The wife rolls her eyes dismisively and turns toward husband)
Wife: Well, if Atheists can celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, than surely Buddhists can. If for nothing else, than for the presents...
I know it doesn't have a plot and it isn't funny, but it popped into my head. A conversation that a real-life man might have with a slightly dumb wife. I know enough slightly dumb wives (mine happens to be quite intelligent) that would probably say "Merry Christmas" to lots of Chinese and never stop to think that she might be making them feel akward.
Merry Christmas to all, if that's your persuasion.
4 comments:
oddly enough, the chinese restaurants around here are about the only ones that put up Christmas decorations. they seem to be the only establishments unaware of the Politically-Correct police, or perhaps they're just trying to build their way into our self-destructing culture -- so, ironically, by trying to fit in, they just look more out of place. But that's another reason to patronize the Chinese place on Christmas day.
I think its marketing and a buisness looks more inviting during the holiday season if it has Christmas decorations on it. Simple as that in my opinion. Their just trying to make a buck like the next man. They also know that they are probably the only ones open on Christmas Eve and Christmas except for IHOP.
Is the flying wonder monkey a bit cynical?
Poisonally, I'm a bit tired of having to make apologies for my beliefs. This is a nation founded, not necessarily by Christians, as many of the founding fathers were deists, but most certainly upon Christian principles. People have celebrated Christmas, called it Christmas, and decorated with Christmas decorations ad infinitum. It is safe to say without fear of contradiction, that Christmas is part of the American Culture. If you choose not to worship Christ, that is your business. But the solid majority in our country considers themselves Christian. If you want to live here, work here, make more money than you can anywhere on earth, and enjoy a higher standard of living than you can anywhere on earth, you've got to learn to tolerate us Christians. Americans are supposed to be so sensitive to anyone and everyone who comes down the pike, but yet, when we stand and proclaim our pride in our culture, we get slammed for it. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone!
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