Why Do Nerds Think They're Good at Impressions?

I must have heard an impression that finally drove me over the edge. Therefore, with the fear of being called many things, I am bringing my rant forward for both of my readers to see. I will explore, why do nerds think they're good at impressions. It is important to note that I used the word "think." In my experience nerds never are good at impressions, but they sure think they are. When I was a kid, I was a nerd and I can remember that I wanted nothing more than to be good at impressions. Alas, there was hope. I realized I wasn't good at impressions, so I bought a Tommy Hilfiger shirt and got a popular girlfriend and now I'm the magnificant, introverted book-reading man you see before you. Here are some reasons that nerds love impressions.

1) They have no identity of their own. By donning the voice of another (almost always a famous person), nerds connect themselves with the greatness that they will never achieve. This is not to take away from people like Bill Gates and Woody Allen. As we can see, they have reached to achieve greatness of their own...they don't do impressions. And while most nerds think that they are brainiacs, let's face it, most of them will end up in community colleges and working for Circuit City.

2)They have nothing better to do. While the rest of us our seeing to our sex-lives, nerds sit in front of their mirror and make faces at themselves in order to get the accents just right, which they never do. How many times have I heard my nerdy friends say to me, "I've been working on my..." You've been working on it? This implies practice and careful patience and discipline. All in the name of pretending to be someone else. Nerds, instead of spending all that time working on your voices, you may try using it to practice dental hygene. Women want a man who's handsome like Sean Connery, not who can "do a Sean Connery."

You might say "Well women aren't the most important thing to me...my comedy is." In which case, I pose the question; Are you gay? And I also make the following observation; You're not funny.